over it

Do I want pasta? No I had pasta last night. A sandwich? No I don't fancy bread tonight. Could go to the shops and get a microwave meal? Naaaa. Im fed up now, I'll just have a bowl of cereal.
Theres no milk, I'll just eat them dry
These are shit, I'm in a bad mood now
Shouldve just made pasta.
If this painful ritual is part of your day then you my friend, like me, are an overthinker!
Since the dawn of human existence we have been given more and more choices and options in every aspect of our lives over time. This sounds like progess to most, but to an overthinker, its a kick in the balls with a choice of which shoe.
Over thinking is a biproduct of anxiety. The old liar in our heads. It makes us doubt our decisions and question ourselves as people. For me, it made me question if I was really good enough to be an artist and held me back from my true potential for a long time.
It started at art school, a place where most people improve their skills and better themselves as artists all round. I actually regressed in art school. But thats a whole other blog post which we'll talk about another time. In art school that's when I began painting things that I thought my teachers and peers wanted to see. I was no longer painting for the enjoyment but doing it to appease. It was from this I then began to doubt my skills as an artist. Everytime I painted something I questioned every aspect of it. Is the subject matter interesting? Is the style good enough? Do the colours compliment each other? Are the teachers going to like it? Do I even belong here??
This thought process followed me and my work for a long time. Even when I painted something that I really enjoyed I would wake up the next day, take a look at it and instantly pick it apart. It needs more dark tones, that colours not quite right, Ill do another background coat, I wanna just paint right over the top of it and start again.
I gave up on art for a few years. It was dark times for a mind that craves creativity. But then, one day, at the turn of 30, I lost my need to appease others with actions and from that a determination to do things for me grew back inside me. I bought a canvas, some paints, some brushes, put on some music and wa-fucking-la, a pineapple was born, and with that, my signature and stamp on the art world with it!
These days, I'm more of a sharp decision maker. I still think things through but with a much more direct conclusion in mind. Its helped me so much in my art and in my life. My eagerness to progress as a person is stronger than the old bully inside me. Even as I write this now I can feel him. Scampering around my brain looking for something from my past to latch onto to bring me down. Because even he knows that talking about him openly will be a contributing factor to his demise one day.
Dont overthink things too much. Ask yourself the neccessary questions before you make a decision and then execute with confidence. Once you learn the difference between your gut telling you something and your head holding you back, everything starts to fall into place.
Just eat the fucking pasta 😊
Chat soon
Art is for everyone. Sully ❤

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