social turkey

It's Sunday. You're in the shopping centre. It's been a great day so far. You had a nice breakfast and now you're grabbing some supplies for the new week ahead. Few bits and bobs and up the road you go. What could possibly go....fuck! Theres Andy. Andy the guy you know through another close friend of yours. You've been on some epic nights out together and had some heavy heart to hearts at the afterparty, but that's it. Other than being part of your social web you're not really that close. Saying hello should be easy, right? So why isn't it! Fuck I'm panicking and I don't know why. He's getting closer. I cant handle this shit. Maybe if I just look to one side and pretend I haven't ahhhhh fuck he's made eye contact. Ok, keep calm for Christ sake you know this guy you've seen him loads of times. Why am I on the verge of a panic attack here! I'm getting hot flushes. Is his name even Andy?? I'm not sure now. Help!!
You know how the rest goes. You pretend you didn't see him then put on this over the top personality as if you're absolutely buzzing that you bumped into him but really your brain just hit an iceberg and is sinking with no life boats.
Unexpected social interactions have always been hard for me. It's usually tied to anxiety. I could've been out for a drink with you on Saturday but if I bump into you in the canned veg section on the Tuesday the conversation with be dryer than Gandi's flip flop. The thing is, I love socialising, but for some reason the old parasite in my head doesn't so I end up torn between trying to make conversation and trying to end it at the same time. I usually start taking steps away or say something like 'ok I'll let you go' which sort of creates this illusion that I'm keeping you there and not the other way round. I also get a weird twitch in my nose when I'm in foreign situations, so I end up standing in the corner looking like Pablo Escobars stock keeper.
The point of this post is just to let people know that if this happens to you then you're not alone my friend. I'm 34 years old and its not going away. It's just part of who I am now so I'll just run with it and work on my small talk I guess.
It's also to let others know that if I'm acting this way don't worry I do like you a lot, I'm just not very good at being a normal human sometimes. And if we do happen to have an awkward altercation just know that I will be thinking about it everyday for the next 30 years.
I think we're all a little bit strange and awkward in our own way and to be honest I like us better for it. It's not normal being too normal.
Good chat!
Art is for everyone. Sully ❤

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